Paddy Lay Back
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A traditional sea song, sometimes noted as a capstan shanty though more often as a forebitter. A potential early reference has been identified in an 1868 article which mentions "Valparaiso, Round the Horn",[1] though there is some contention as to whether this may be referring to a different song;[2] regardless, the song seems to have been in circulation by the late 1870s at least.[3]
The Longest Johns version was released 5 September 2025 on the Folly EP from Pieces of Eight.
Factoids
Bum and stiff is not any known slang phrase this editor was able to identify; rather, the traditional version of this line is usually "there were bums and stiffs", i.e. lazy, useless individuals. What, if anything, may be meant by the current phrasing is left as an exercise for the listener.
Johnny Crapoo was slang for a French sailor; the second word, properly spelled "crapaud", is French for "toad".[4]
Katie Sky is a cool musician; you should check her out.
Lyrics
As performed on the album.
(Are you ready, kids? I can't hear you!)
'Twas a cold and dreary morning in December (December!)
And all of my money it was spent (spent, spent!)
And where it went to, well, I can't remember (remember!)
So down to the shipping office went (went, went!)
{Chorus}
Paddy, lay back! (Paddy, lay back!) Take in your slack! (Take in your slack!)
Take a turn around the capstan, heave a pawl
'Bout ship's stations, boys, be handy (be handy!)
We're bound for Valparaiso 'round the Horn
Well, back then there was a great demand for sailors (for sailors!)
For the colonies, for Frisco and for France (France! France!)
So I jumped aboard a Limey barque, the Hotspur (the Hotspur!)
Got paralytic drunk on my advance ('vance, 'vance!)
{Chorus}
It was on the quarterdeck when I first saw 'em (arrgh, first saw him!)
Such an ugly bunch I'd never seen before (gross!)
And there was bum and stiff from every quarter (hehe, a quarter!)
It made me poor old heart feel sick and sore (sore, sore!)
{Chorus}
There were Russ-i-ans and Dutchmen and Spaniards (Spaniards!)
And Johnny Crapoos, just across from France (France, France!)
And none could hardly speak a word of English (English?)
But answered to the name of "Month's Advance" ('vance, 'vance!)
{Chorus}
Oh, I wish that I was in The Jolly Sailor (the Sailor!)
Along with Katie Sky a-drinking beer (beer, beer!)
And then I thought, "What jolly chaps are sailors, eh?" (are sailors!)
And with me flipper wiped away a tear (tear, tear!)
{Chorus}
So here we are, once again at sea, boys (at sea, boys!)
The same old bloody story over again (over again...)
So stamp around the capstan, give a cheer, boys (Huzzah!)
And sing again this beautiful refrain
{Chorus 2x}