Being a Pirate
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Written by Saskatchewan singer and song writer Don Freed in 1985 and subsequently popularized by Tom Lewis, this comedic tune has been performed at some Longest Johns shows and occasionally on livestreams.
Freed's first released recording of the song was a concert performance on his 1992 album Live, Arr!. It included three introductory verses in which he paid tribute to his grandfather who, in the song, passes along the pirate's advice.
Lyrics
These lyrics are based on the version performed by the Longest Johns in their 2014 Perranporth performance. The Tom Lewis version of the lyrics can be found here.
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear
It slips down your neck and onto the deck
and somebody says: "Wot's this 'ere?"
You can't wear your glasses, you can't 'pull' the lasses
Your mates have to shout so you'll hear
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear)
{Chorus}
Oh it's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!)
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts
Oh it's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!)
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye
It hurts like the blazes, it makes you make faces
You can't let your mates see you cry
You can cover the hatch with a trendy black patch
And make sure your socket stays dry
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye)
{Chorus}
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand
It squirts and it spurts and it bloody well hurts
Pain only a pirate could stand
The fashionable look is a nice metal hook
But then you can't play in the band
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand)
{Chorus}
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg
It hurts like the dickens, your pace never quickens
You're hobbling around on a peg
Ask your girl to marry, but too long you've tarried
'Cos now you can't kneel down and beg
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg)
{Chorus}
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'thing'
Though you didn't choose it, you don't want to lose it
And now when you use it it stings
You can sew it back on with a needle and thong
but doesn't quite have that same spring
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'thing')
{Chorus 2x}